


fair winds and following seas

by bigstarkenergy



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Character Study, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Possible Character Death, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Endgame, but soft grief, quiet grief, sort of a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 05:41:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18404249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigstarkenergy/pseuds/bigstarkenergy
Summary: Steve wants to say that Tony died a hero, but that he died in Steve’s arms, because somehow, that feels more important.But more than anything, Steve wants to go back. He wants another kiss, another hug, another night, another day, anotherlifetime.





	fair winds and following seas

The news reporters say that 99% of the snap victims are back. They also call Tony a hero. 

Steve watches in abject apathy. He knows he should care, after all, Sam and Bucky and the universe is back, and that should warrant at least some cause for celebration, but he can’t find it in him to give a damn.

He watches as they display hour after hour of footage of Tony, drunk out of his mind, his various blurred sex tapes, his press conference as Iron Man, his press conference as Tony Stark, clean energy mogul. He watches Tony’s entire life on a TV screen and he thinks back to the man he knows and the memories that play out on the TV screen.

A news reporter calls Tony an “ostentatious flirt” and Steve shakes his head, because he knows that Tony didn’t care about the girls or even the guys, or any of it. He knows that Tony was more nervous that he should have been-according to their “sources”-he knows that Tony’s hands shook and his smile was soft, tender, not like in the pictures they show. 

They show pictures of the gala, and of the Iron Man suit, and Steve is reminded of cold metal and warm hands and hushed whispers. He remembers threading his hand through Tony’s hair, soft and short, splayed out on a pillow. They show pictures of Tony in a wine colored dress shirt and Steve remembers Tony tipping a wine glass to his lips and laughing, his eyes bright. He remembers Tony tracing gentle fingers along the ridges of Steve’s hand, drawing careful shapes that only he could see.

They call him a hero, and Steve wants to tell them that he didn’t used to think Tony was one, until the moment he realized he  _was_. He wants to tell them that Tony was the best man he’d ever known, that Tony was smart and brave and  _kind_ , so fucking kind it almost hurt, a little. Tony was kind in a way Steve never was, and never will be, because Tony cared so much and not because he was obligated to, but because he simply did. 

Someone in the background compares Tony to Howard and Steve wants to laugh, except he knows that he’d probably choke on it, so he doesn’t. Tony was never anything like Howard, he wants to say, because Tony was kind and empathetic and good in all the ways Howard wasn’t. 

They show pictures of Tony, framed by stars and the cosmos, and Steve can already feel the fear bubbling up in his chest. He wants to reach into the screen and grab the microphone and tell them that Tony held galaxies in his eyes and that he made Steve feel like he was floating, weightless, most of the time.

He wants to tell them that he loved him, and that Tony died in his arms, a smile on his face. He wants to tell them that Tony’s blood looked like wine and that his laugh reminded Steve of light bulbs turning on, and that he tasted like fire in all of the best ways. He wants to tell them that Tony Stark was always, always, a better man than they made him out to be. He wants to tell them that Tony was smart and most of all, that he was good.

Steve wants to say that Tony died a hero, but that he died in Steve’s arms, because somehow, that feels more important.

But more than anything, Steve wants to go back. He wants another kiss, another hug, another night, another day, another  _lifetime_. 

The videos of Tony start over, and Steve reaches out and clicks the TV off. He doesn’t need videos or press conferences to tell him who Tony Stark was. 

He was a hero, but more importantly, he was good. He was kind. He was the love of Steve’s life. 

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr @bigstarkenergy!  
> Comments and kudos warm my heart!


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